The Zombie Gene Mutates: I Can Has Brainz?
by Jeremy Feist
While initially dismissed as just a rumor, reports are surfacing of the Z-Gene having mutated to the point where it can now infect animals. These reports come on the heels of a study last year claiming that any mutation of the gene necessary for non-human infection was impossible.
At the moment, reports seem to indicate that monkeys and pigs are primarily at risk for contamination. While the monkeys high-risk status can be explained by their close biological links to Humans, pigs are also susceptible due to the fact that their muscle tissue is strikingly similar to that of humans. Thankfully, there have been no reports thus far of people being infected by eating bacon from zombified pigs.
However, there have been reports of cats being infected with the Z-Gene across North America. While most people have taken care to dispose of the infected felines, many have taken the opportunity to photograph the zombified cat for the purpose of creating "LOLcats".
These people have been eaten. GAZA Operatives called in to assess the situation have written off these situations as "Darwinism".
For the time being, we would like to remind all of you not to approach any animal that appears infected. Instead, please call your local authorities to dispose of them. Unless you're willing to make a LOLcat, in which case, go nuts.
